Depression First Aid Action Plan

by Sofia Blue
Aug 14, 2017
6 min read

Having been through severe depression with self-harming and suicidal thoughts and actions, I know how important it is to have someone there for you to interfere quickly and help you cope with this. The difficult part is having this someone and even more that someone to know what to do. I remember the first time I started endangering my life. It was a nightmare for my husband too. Seeing the desperation and helplessness in his eyes made me feel even more devastated. I felt guilty I was causing him this pain.

Now he knows how to deal with situations like this. Because they happened many times. He is trained in giving me his helping hand when the the storm comes crashing my soul. That’s why it is so important to know how to react if your loved one finds herself/himself lost in that storm with no hope for sunshine. And lack of hope brings death.

So, here is an action plan for depression first aid. There are a few things I have found that work based on my and my husband's experience as my supporter. They might or might not work for you but it is worth a shot. If you are the one who is depressed, share this with the people who care about you. If you are a family member or a concerned friend just follow these tips:

Evaluate the risk of self-harm or suicide

First thing you need to do is to be aware if there is desire or intention to self-harm or worse - to end life. Observe the behaviors of the person and look for dangerous signs like:

taking unnecessary risks,
losing interest in hobbies and things they used to enjoy
giving away possessions they love
talking about death - could be with fascination or with fear
increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
having trouble sleeping or eating
withdrawing from their friends and becoming socially isolated
not caring about appearance and sustaining very low personal hygiene
unexplained bruises and cuts

Remove any items that can be used for self-harm or suicide

Hide the knives. Take away razors. Lock the drawer with the medication. I used to cut myself with barber style razor, the sharpest of them all. You need to understand why they reach for it when they are depressed. They try to externalize the pain. Their soul is hurting so much and they can’t even see where it comes from. Bruises and cuts help because when their mind is aching, their body should too. It is hard to explain and maybe it doesn’t make sense to you.

So here is another reason - when you cause yourself harm you get dizzy, start hyperventilating, the dopamine rushes through you and you get high. This feeling is as addictive as any drug. You were numb and couldn’t feel so you tried to shake yourself. You will do anything to try to feel again.

Depressed people self-harm also as a punishment. You feel you have no right, no reason, no explanation to feel this. So you need to maltreat yourself. There are so many more people suffering with real problems and they don’t complain. This is the thinking of a depressed soul.

Talk to them openly

You don’t need to use the word “depressed”. For many people it comes with fear, shame, denial. “I am too strong to have depression, this is for weak people”, they could be thinking. I used to think like this too. What you can do instead is to start a conversation. Consider they might not want to talk to you or anybody. It is hard to talk when you don’t want to exist. There are no words. Just let them know you are noticing those changes and you care. That is enough at this point.

Listen and be patient

Don’t suggest. Just listen. If they want to share you should really pay close attention. Understand what they feel, crosscheck with the symptoms of depression above. MOST importantly, DO NOT talk about the value or meaning of life, what is beautiful and why they should live. You don’t tell a person in a wheelchair they should run a marathon or swim in the ocean. The same applies to people with depression. At that point hope is beyond what they can see. There is only darkness. Trying to turn on an artificial light is not the same as finding the hole that leads them out of the tunnel.

Don’t judge

I can’t stress enough how vital this is if you want to help. Forget phrases like “Snap out of it”, “You’ll get better”, “You’re not making enough effort”, “Get yourself together”. The moment you say anything like this, you lost them. Not only you won’t be able to help but you will actually contribute to their desperation. Remember - you don’t understand. You don’t know what it feels like. You are not in their skin. You cannot feel their pain no matter how strong you hurt to see them like this. There are so many “side-effects” that come with depression. They can get violent even. Don’t get mad. Be calm. Be strong for both of you. The person will soon realize and apologize. Don’t make them feel guilty. This is a way to externalize the pain.

Make yourself available at all times

They need support. They need a helping hand. Even if they don’t talk. Even if they ignore you. Even if they say they want you to leave them alone. Give him/her space but be there then they open up. And they will open up to you once they see you’re on their side. If your job allows it, stay at home with your loved one for a day or two. Work from home or just take a few days off. Chances are they will want to sleep all day. You have no idea how much difference it makes to wake up and have you by their side being their solid prop.

Seek professional help

There is only that much you can do. This is no joke. Depending on how bad things get you might not be able to help at all. You need to find a professional in any case, but if you feel that helpless, don’t wait, do it immediately. The more time the persons feels this way, the more difficult it is to help them swim to the shore. They need someone with experience and expertise to help. They might need medication.

The issue here is that many times a depressed person could be hesitant to admit they have a problem. Admitting you need help brings fear, uncertainly and most of all realization you are not fine and maybe you will never be. Have this conversation with your loved one and if they refuse, don’t argue. Do your research, find a good specialist. Usually it takes a few therapists to find the one that works. The problem is that with every try the depressed person gets more and more discouraged. Good advice I can give you - go to a professional on your own. Talk to the therapist, see how he/she thinks, behaves, their style - do they do more talking or do they stay mostly quiet just listening. Choose the psychologist you think your loved one will relate to the best.

Then have the conversation without pushing. Educate them about therapy. Let them know there are many people suffering from depression too and they are not alone. They know they need help. But it will take time.

Put on your oxygen mask first

You know how every time you fly when you see the safety video they say: "In case of cabin decompression oxygen masks will come down. Put your mask on first and then help those around you". Have you ever wondered why? It's simple - if you don't take care of yourself first, you cannot help anyone else. If you put your kid's mask on first, you risk passing out and thus, you can endanger your child's life by not being able to help them.

The same applies to depression. My most valuable advice to you as a family member or friend - take care of yourself. It is very easy to fall down the pit with your loved one. It is easy to feel guilty and helpless seeing you can't do much for them. So take care of yourself! Do the things you love, eat well, sleep well, try to detach yourself mentally from the situation. Give compassion, but don't let their pain become your pain too. Otherwise you will pass out and there will be no one else to help either of you. Take care of yourself to take care of those you love. Put on your oxygen mask and breathe.

I know it is all said easy than done. It is hard work. It requires patience and extreme emotional intelligence on your side. But how much is their life worth?