To Feel Or Not To Feel

by Sofia Blue
Mar 9, 2018
1 min read

If only I could put in words everything that is happening inside me now. A confusing mix of thoughts, feelings, fears and turmoil. I am in pain. And I take pleasure in it. I enjoy pain. It suits me. Destroying my life with my own hands. And then gathering the pieces one by one, tear after tear, emotion after emotion, thought after though.

I truly don't know what is worse - to feel everything or not feel anything at all. To be in pain but to love? To let people hurt you but also let them take you to cloud 9? Or just silence? No suffering, no passion. A cold nothingness. And tranquility.

This is who I am. A person of extremes. I am never able to find the sweet spot. I either run until I lose consciousness, or I can't move at all. That's why it is called bipolar...

I am born and I die in light,

A broken soul with many faces.

During the day tirelessly I build up,

At night mercilessly I tear down.