Six Tips To Break Social Anxiety

by Sofia Blue
Mar 1, 2018
5 min read

I went out with my high school girlfriends tonight. As every other time I go out, I felt super self-conscious and awkward, as rushes of anxiety were taking over me. One of my friends brought a friend of hers, whom I never met, so this made things even more difficult. I was weird, saying things before thinking, sharing too much info, when I’m actually very private in my life.

How do you fight something like social anxiety? Do you hide? Even then, you can’t do it forever! So I put my brain to work and started going through it searching for answers. How can I be better next time? So, I came up (in the shower) with these 6 tips to break social anxiety.

1. Act out like no one’s watching

This is a small trick I like to use when I’m very nervous. I become an actress and choose a role to play. This way I feel liberated because I can be anyone I want. I can be funny or quiet, I can be mysterious or very blunt, I can be interesting or simple. The best part is that even if I make a fool of myself, I won’t be making a fool out of Sofia, but this person I play.

Obviously, it is a psychological trick for yourself, for your peace of mind. For people you just met you will be who you show yourself to be. But so what? Even if you meet them again, you can play a totally different role. You can be who you want to be even if for a brief moment. It can be very fun! Try it.

2. Don’t judge & you won’t be judged

Why do we feel social anxiety? Because we are afraid of people’s judgement. How will they perceive us? What will they think of us.

If you have social anxiety, most probably you are very self-critical and self-conscious. You believe people see all your shortcomings and judge you for who you are. You start breaking your social anxiety when you stop judging yourself in the first place. Empathize with yourself, like you empathize with others. Remember the child inside you.

Secondly, if you look deep enough you will find yourself amazed how many people judge themselves too. Every person has their own self-doubts and insecurities. You never know if the person in front of you doesn’t feel exactly like you do.

For those who do judge you I have one answer - show you don’t judge them. I guarantee they will open up and change their approach and attitude. Nobody wants to feel criticized. Empathy is your secret weapon.

Rarely there will be people who you can’t get through to or are just too aggressive. Don’t waste your time and effort with them. So, here is my next tip:

3. Keep it simple & pick your battles

In those times I have found out the most effective strategy is retreat. Don’t force yourself to a level that will make you emotionally and psychologically tired. If you know/think/suspect going out and being social will make you feel too bad, just don’t do it. Sometimes you have to prioritize.

Ok, but let’s say you are already there. Let’s say you feel very uncomfortable around a group of people. What do you do? Firstly, don’t talk about sensitive topics like races, politics, sex, etc. Unless you want to get into a deep conversation, keep it simple.

Let’s imagine a scenario where someone starts talking about one of those topics. Let’s say you hate what that person stands for, or they make you uncomfortable, or anxious. Don’t react. Pick your fights. It’s important to know you don’t always need to express yourself fully. Instead, embrace a listening approach. It could become quite interesting when you stop talking. Allow them to surprise you.

4. Get into their mind

This one is my favorite. I love understanding people. I don’t always love people but I like to get in their minds and see things from their perspective. It could be quite refreshing.

This is my tip - use psychology. See every person as an individual with emotions, feelings, thoughts. Once you start understanding psychology, you start understanding people and how they work. Why does it matter? Because you realize we are all vulnerable, we all come from different perspectives, we all have our fears and dramas. And when you do, people don’t seem so scary anymore.

If you have no idea about psychology, but are willing to give it a test drive, I would suggest taking a course on Coursera or Udemy, reading online, watching TED talks and YouTube videos of professionals.

5. Make them laugh

You can break the hardest of ice with some laughter. I've learnt this with my father. He has this amazing ability to make people feel comfortable around him. His weapon? Humor. He makes people laugh. Not everyone has that skill but I do believe you can develop it. So, if you have even a bit of sense of humor, use it in your advantage. Naturally people will want to make you feel comfortable and welcome too. Build rapport.

6. Trust the stars

Now this one will surprise you. In my culture we strongly believe in astrology - the zodiac stuff. I very often have this discussion with my husband - is astrology proper science? If you, like my hubby, believe it is not, you might not know much about it. Read about astrology. Learn about it. It is worth it and I will tell you why. The moment I know your birthday, I instantly understand more about you. What kind of person you are, what you probably like, how you see the world. IT IS AMAZING!

Let me illustrate. I sit with 3 people at a table and I know Mary is Taurus, Jake is Pisces, Mike is Virgo and I am Cancer. Now I know how the dynamics of the group will be. I know Mary enjoys the good things in life like food and wine. I know she can be very stubborn so if I was to ask something of her, I have to be very gentle and show appreciation. I know that Jake is very sensitive and sees things through his emotions. He is most probably a creative person and a generous soul. I can connect on emotional level with him because I am like that too. Mike is very analytical. He follows logic and proof, so if I want to persuade him in something I need to have the right tools.

Sounds fun, no?

There’s always a tricky part, though. The DOING it part. So, you should be very aware there are no miracles and you need to:

1. Find your own way - these are just suggestions, things that work for me. Use them as ideas but develop your own system that works best FOR YOU!

2. Practice a lot - practice makes perfection. It will be hard in the beginning but with each time it will get easier.

3. Never be too harsh on yourself - no one can put more pressure on yourself than you. So, don't. Allow yourself mistakes and awkward situations.

It takes patience from yourself. Being aware of what could help you, however, is the first and most important step towards dealing with your social anxiety.

I hope this helps! Good luck!

With love,