Nightmares In My Sleep, Tribulations In My Head
- by Sofia Blue
- Sep 6, 2017
- 2 min read
NOTE:
If you are not in a good place and don't feel well, don't read this post - it might bring you down.
It’s 4 am and I’m nowhere near sleeping. Again!
I have been having insomnia for a while now. Not the type of insomnia that doesn’t let you sleep at all. I do sleep. Some days for a couple of hours, others I completely oversleep. It’s a weird mix between insomnia and hypersomnia. Top this off with intense nightmares for the whole time I sleep. A few at a time.
I have had nightmares since I can remember myself. I was always afraid of monsters and asked mom to check under the bed and leave the lights on. When I grew up the nightmares changed to what has happened to me in the past and the fears I have for the future… There are times when I don’t have them so often and others, sometimes for a year, when I have 5-6 nightmares every time I close my eyes. I wake up from the sound of my own screams, sweaty, scared and confused.
I am afraid to sleep now. I feel tired, anxious, extremely sad and very overwhelmed. I haven’t been out for days, I don’t do any exercise and I don’t eat. The dirty dishes from the weekend are pilled up all over the kitchen for days, but I have no energy to wash them. I avoid going to the kitchen instead. I know it is pretty simple - get myself together, do some exercise, eat well. But if you have been through this you know it is never really that easy. I know what I have to do and yet I am stuck in my bed. I know I have to be active, write my articles, organize our moving to the US and yet I end up watching movies or playing games on my phone on the couch, paralyzed. I know I have to eat but how do I do that if I’m afraid to go to the supermarket and buy myself some food? I also have no appetite at all. Every effort brings me pain. Every thought makes my eyes fill with tears. I have really strong headache, and no matter what pills I take it doesn’t go away. I drink water but am constantly thirsty. My chest hurts, my neck is stiff, my hands shake. I can’t take it anymore.
P.S. I will write another post with research on nightmares and sleeping in the following two weeks. Stay tuned!
Love,
Sofia Blue
Comments