Not Enough

by Sofia Blue
Jan 2, 2018
1 min read

I’m dizzy.

It might be because I smoked and drank. Or this fucking new med I’m taking. It is 4 types of different medication now. I am so confused. Every week I dread the day I need to fill up the fucking portable drawer of pills. It’s when a wave of panic goes through me as I try to count the pills and remember how many of each one. I still can’t. Even after 5 years of heavy medication I still can’t fucking remember! …..

Because when I do, I just can’t handle the thought.

What’s wrong with me?!

Who was I and what happened?

I just can’t stop thinking about the promising future I thought I had. I wake up every day thinking about it. These past weeks haven’t been easy. Even though we travelled and had great time with my husband, I am still feeling so empty. And then the other thought comes - how can I be so ungrateful for what I have? How can I feel so empty ? I have so much love in my heart and appreciation for my family and friends, and for everything good in my life. But it is just NOT ENOUGH. I need to love myself!

I NEED TO LOVE MYSELF.