What About Men?!

by Sofia Blue
Sep 5, 2017
4 min read

I want to talk about men in today’s society, their changing role and what is expected of a man nowadays. Back in the days men were seen as society’s only driving power. It was an uneven distribution of resources and this is how the feminism movement started. It was simple – equal rights, equal treatment. But as the movement got momentum and started growing faster, it seems to me that we have started to marginalize men.

Before I start with my arguments as to why I think that, I want to warn you – I don’t judge people. At least I try and put all my efforts to understand, empathise and not claim I know what is right or wrong. So keep an open mind as you read this and think about the big picture.

I truly consider feminism as something the world needs but I also believe sometimes we take it way too far. The more you say NO to something, the stronger it grows. Just consider Newton’s third law of thermodynamics – every action has an equal and opposite reaction. For me, this means that the more hate you have for something, the more of it you will get. Feminism is something we need. We do in the lines of extraordinary situations. For example, we need those organisations that protect women from abuse. We should advocate for equal rights for women in countries in Africa and the Middle East. Feminism, however, is not what we need in our everyday lives. EVERYTHING has become “sexist” for modern day women. I have heard women saying – "trousers are sexists because men’s trousers have deep and useful pockets while females’ don’t have that benefit". Seriously?! What a load of crap! I have no respect for women who misuse the concept of feminism in the first place (just like misusing the term depression). How about the fact that women enter clubs with short skirts and shorts and men can only enter if they wear long pants? Isn’t that discrimination too?

I think men and women should have equal RIGHTS and OPPORTUNITIES, not equal ROLES in society. Women have started to behave more aggressively - trying to prove they can be on their own. If you know you can, why are you trying to show it so desperately? You can be a woman and be strong without having to marginalize the other gender, without hating them, without trying to prove you are better than them! Women want gentlemen, they want manhood but yet deprive men of their masculinity. I’ve also witnessed so many girls humiliating their men in public. No one deserves that, being a man or a woman.

This brings me to a particular area of life, where gender inequality needs to be discussed - mental health. This is one of the biggest examples of how much more women get support compared to men. We have so many NGOs, funds, support groups and organizations for women. The fact that they exist is really great and vastly needed. According to studies:

"some 10 to 15% of women will experience depression at some point in their lives—double the number of men who will. "Women go through significant biological changes across their lifespan, more so than men, so these cyclic shifts can disrupt, malfunction, or create disease.”

It is true - there are huge hormonal differences (pre- and postpartum depression in women for example) and social perceptions as to role of men and women. Other studies say:

"the conditions most affecting women were more common than those affecting men, by a factor of 20% to 40%.”

This made me think! Just because men don’t share as much as women, does that mean they suffer less? It is exactly because of the society’s perception of the role of men, that men don’t share. They are supposed to be tough, to be strong, to be stable.

But what about when they are not? As I see it, this way of thinking is what makes men not share and suffer on their own, in the dark corner with no one to turn to because people will say they need to “man up”! They are simply not allowed to feel weak. Whereas, if you are a woman and you say you are depressed it seems more acceptable. Why is there so much less support for men than for women? A simple Google search of “women and mental health” shows you 154 million results. For men that is only 11 million. Not only that. When you search for MI in women you get as results thousands of scholarly articles:

There is not a single one for men:

Did you know that men make up over 75% of suicide victims in the United States alone, with one man killing himself every 20 minutes? Or how about the fact that after divorce only about 1 in 6 men have custody of their children, often with minimal visitation rights? That can affect men sometimes as much as women. Also, mental health aid is not suited for men as well as for women. I love how they put it in this article:

"Evidence suggests that men are significantly less likely to use mental health services in response to mental health issues […] This is often attributed to stubbornness in men, rooted in traditional notions of masculinity. However, another explanation is that formal mental health services are not finely attuned to men’s needs, especially minority men. Indeed, these services tend to concentrating on medication or talk-therapy. But some research suggests that men prefer action over words in the face of stressful situations.”

All of that is not to say feminism is wrong. We need equality in all of its forms. Feminism in its core, can help shift the thinking that men are only strong and women are only weak by leveling up one to the other. The issue I have with extreme feminism is connected to being politically correct all the time. A man can’t express his masculinity - by opening a jar for a girl for example - because this has to mean he thinks she is weak? Or he can’t open a door because the girl will say: "you disrespect me thinking I can’t open my own door?”. Showing physical strength must mean he's showing aggression and this has to mean he beats women. Why do we make it so complicated?

Let’s be pro-HUMAN, not pro-GENDER.

P.S. here's a video on the topic, check it out: